Ed, Edd n Eddy's Last Stand

Chapter 1 – Reunion

In the back seat of a mini-van was a fourteen year old kid. His name was Eddward, but most people just called him Double-D (people would only call him Edd if they were writing out his name, because he had a good friend who has a similar sounding name). Edd’s mom was driving him back to his house since school was going to start again in a couple of days. Edd had practically spent the whole summer at an MIT university professor’s mansion (who also so happened to be his great uncle). It was enjoyable for him for the most part. He did however wonder about how well his companion’s summer went by.

You see, all three of the Ed’s never had any contact with each other for the entire summer. Ed was forcibly sent to summer camp along with his little sister Sarah. Eddy was all alone on the other hand and pretty much wasted his summer by sitting on his computer all the time since he couldn’t even scam a toddler without some help. But hopefully he’d see them again just in time before eighth grade started for the trio.

Edd Marion Jones had changed a bit in the past two years. He still wore that hat of his and had a gap in his two front teeth. He did however now wear a purple sweater with “Massachusetts Institute of Technology” written on it, blue jeans and orange tennis shoes. In terms of personality he still amazing intelligent as ever, but is far more witty and sarcastic than before. Because of his wittiness and sarcasm, some might say that he’s became slightly less of a gentleman. Also, he is now 5’9 and weighs only 125 pounds, so he’s what someone might call “underweight”.

“Alright Eddward, we’re home now,” said his mom. “I have a business meeting at Denver, Colorado coming up this week, so I’ll see you in a month or so.” Both of Edd’s parents were businesspersons and as a result were never around all that often. This had caused his parent’s divorce a year ago and was the reason why Edd lived alone for most of the year. Usually it was once a month one of his parent’s came home to check up on Edd (although it wasn’t uncommon for them to forget checking up on him sometimes). Whenever they were home though it was for at most two hours and most of that time was one of them writing out those sticky notes for Edd.

“Alright mother,” said Edd as he grabbed both of his suitcases and got out of car. Once he entered the house, his mother had left him without even a simple hug or goodbye. It always did make him somewhat depressed of the way his parent’s never paid that much attention to him. Truthfully, the main reason why Edd had enjoyed staying with his great uncle over the summer was because he actually paid some attention to him.

Inside his house, he seen dust, cobwebs, sticky notes, bugs, rust and filth everywhere since no one cleaned it at all during the summer. “I better get the job done and done right,” he said as he prepared to begin cleaning up his house. It’d take somewhat longer than usual since there was more crap to clean up. But of course he’d clean his place up pretty good before going anywhere else.

About three hours later, Edd had successfully managed to clean up all the crap in his house. He put the bugs in jars (for collecting reasons), removed any rust he found on any metallic objects and thrown out the dust, cobwebs, filth, junk and outdated sticky notes. His task was completed and he now wondered if he had any time left to see Ed or Eddy.

“It seems to be four o’clock,” Edd thought as he caught a glimpse of the grandfather clock in his living room. “I guess that I’ll go see Eddy now. I know that he’s home, but I’m not so sure about Ed.” He walked out of his house and went to Eddy’s place. Edd wondered if Eddy had changed at all during the summer, which he thought would happen since he believed that people changed. But of course, he also knew that change wasn’t exactly the easiest thing in the world, especially if it was a good change.

He knocked on the door of Eddy’s house and received no answer. Edd then decided to go to the sliding glass door which so happened to lead into Eddy’s room. Once there he had seen that there was some black tint in the door so that no one could see through it that well. Edd knocked on the sliding glass door and still received no answer. He decided that he had to yell in order to see if he was home.

“EDDY, ARE YOU HOME?” yelled Edd. For some seconds he received no answer until the sliding glass door opened. It was Eddy however, but with a crowbar to the head for Edd. He found Eddy looking over him while holding a crowbar in his hand.

“D0U8L3-D!1!1!1!1!1!1” exclaimed the fourteen year old Eddy Skipper McGee. There was a very noticeable change to him for as he now seemed to speak in what was called “l33t sp34k”. He also now wore a green t-shirt with a black vertical stripe on its right side, black jeans and white skateboarding shoes. Eddy’s also became the literal description of a fucktard. Seriously, if you look up the word “fucktard”, you just might find a picture of Eddy right next to it. Also, Eddy has a purple colored Mohawk, is 5’4 and weighs 140 pounds, so he’s very close to being “overweight”. It should also be noted that Eddy’s became better at some sports (mainly football, wrestling and baseball) and is now a better fighter (to get a good idea on how good of a fighter Eddy really is, let’s just say that he could take down an athletic twenty-three year old Mexican hitchhiker with ease).

“Eddy, you sure do have some explaining to do,” said Edd as he got back up and brushed the dirt off his sweater. “Why are you talking like that? Is Ed here? What have you done over summer vacation? And most importantly, why on earth did you hit me with a crowbar?”

“1 a time, buck0,” Eddy said. “fir$+ I t4lk liek diz cuz it iz c00l. s3c0ndly, Ed iz h3r3. +hird, I h4v3 pl4y3d on my 360, b33n 0n and w4tch3d Y0uTub3 vide0s All summ3r. L4stly, I th0ught y0u w3r3 burgl4r.”

“Jeez Eddy, I can barely understand a word you’re saying!” exclaimed Edd. Right now, he probably wasn’t the only one who was having some problems understanding what Eddy was saying.

“n0+ mah faul+ u can’+ und3r$+and m3.”

“Did you hit yourself with that crowbar over the summer?” Edd asked, thinking that could be the reason why Eddy was talking like some retarded nine year old punk you’d find lurking on YouTube or just about anywhere on the internet.

“m4yb3 I d!d,” he said. “wh4+ ab0u+ 1+?

“Well I was thinking that might be the reason as to why you talk like this one retarded nine year old punk I meet while playing on Xbox Live over the summer,” Edd said. Normally he wouldn’t say the word “retarded”, but he was ticked off right now and whenever Edd was ticked off, he lost a bit of self control.

“wh4+ waz hiz us3rn4m3?” Eddy asked.

“I think it was called xXxInt3hH00d4LifexXx,” Edd responded. “Why did you need to know that?”

“c00l! I h4v3z him und3r my fri3ndz lis+!” exclaimed Eddy.

“Of course, only you of all people would befriend someone like him,” Edd replied. Right now he just wanted to see Ed since he was repulsed by Eddy. So he quickly changed the conversation around as he said, “How about we go see Ed right now? I haven’t seen him at all for the past three months.”

“sur3 +hing dawg,” Eddy replied as he started running towards Ed’s house with Edd fallowing him. The two got there quickly since it wasn’t that far away from Eddy’s house and because both of them wanted to see Ed. When they got there, Eddy opened the window and let himself and Edd into Ed’s room (and basement).

Ed’s room had somewhat changed over the summer. It still had filth and junk lying on the ground. But the TV in Ed’s room was better and better looking, there was a 360 and PS3 connected to the TV, a computer and there was a stack of weights near Ed’s bed. But for the most part it looked a lot like it did before the summer.

“playing c0ck 0f d00dy 4: m0d3rn gay fuck s+upid again?” Eddy asked. For some reason Eddy hated Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. No one was certain why exactly he hated it, but some say that Eddy is rather picky on what kind of games he wants to play. It also became apparent that Eddy was homophobic to some degree.

“But Eddy, Call of Duty 4 is a good game!” exclaimed the fifteen year old Ed as he turned around not only to see Eddy, but his friend Edd as well. Recognizing him, Ed instantly got up and ran towards Edd, giving him a bear hug. “DOUBLE-D!” he loudly exclaimed.

Ed Horace Armstrong had done a fair amount of changing over the summer. He had grown slightly smarter and stronger. Like Eddy, he was also a better fighter (good enough to take down eight nineteen year old gangsters with switchblades at the same time) and better at sports (mainly football, wrestling and baseball, just like Eddy). He now wears a navy blue t-shirt with a black skull and crossbones on it, tan colored jeans and yellow wrestling shoes. His hair style is still the same as it was when he was thirteen, except for the fact that he dyed it red. Ed’s also 6’1 and 195 pounds, although he doesn’t look overweight and is actually quite muscular with all the working out he’s done in his life. Heck Ed even has a six pack now.

“LET GO OF ME ED, I’M SUFFOCATING!” Edd exclaimed as he was gasping for air. Ed then let go of him and dropped him on the ground. Edd got back up and brushed off anything that got on his sweater. “So Ed, how was summer camp?”

“Ah, I got kicked out a month ago,” Ed replied as he walked over to his bed and sat on it. “Just couldn’t take it anymore.”

“What couldn’t you take that made you get kicked out of summer camp?” Edd asked. He would have never guessed Ed as the type of person to get kicked out of summer camp.

“These jerks were bullying me and I just couldn’t take it anymore,” he said as he put his hands on his face in order to cover it. “I just had to beat them up Double-D.” It was obvious that Ed felt bad for beating up those bullies, even though they deserved it.

“d0n’+ w0rry ed, it iz k,” said Eddy in a attempt to make Ed feel better.

“Ed,” said Edd as he sat next to Ed on his bed. “As Eddy said, it’s OK now and I know that you’re sorry for beating them up, though I can tell that they deserved it to some degree.”

“b3sides, bea+ing up bitc3z iz c00l, h0mie G,” said Eddy.

“Eddy, you shouldn’t encourage Ed to beat up people all the time,” Edd replied. “We don’t want him ending up in juvenile hall like a certain someone here.” Yes, Eddy has been to juvenile hall before. During seventh grade Eddy decided to rob a gas station and he also beat up someone who was trying to stop him. Later in the streets, a cop pulled his ass over and arrested him. The next day a judge sentenced to Eddy serve three weeks of juvenile hall.

“i no ed c4n handl3 juvie,” Eddy replied. Ed could probably handle serving some time at juvenile hall. He could easily beat up the guards, dominate in fights and escape.

“Even if Ed could survive juvenile hall, it would look bad on his record,” Edd said as he got off Ed’s bed.

“r3c0rdz r 2 b br0k3n,” he said as he pushed Edd to the ground.

With that, Ed also got off his bed and punched Eddy in the head, thus knocking him out. He also pulled up Edd off the floor of his room.

“Thank you Ed,” commented Edd as he once again brushed off the filth on his sweater. “Normally I am against violence, but something just had to be done about Eddy’s disgusting behavior.”

“No problem Double-D,” Ed said. “Want to play some Call of Duty 4?”

“Eh, why not,” Edd said as he walked over to the 360 and picked up a controller. “I’ve heard that this game did receive good review scores and awards.”

“No martyrdom, OK?”

“Sure thing Ed,” Edd said as the two friends started playing the video game for the rest of the day. They would play until they couldn’t play anymore, which was about at three in the mourning. Ed & Edd both crashed from exhaustion right in the middle of an online match, and they were just about to win too.
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Author's Note: Well that's chapter one for you and if you liked it, than you're defiantly gonna like the next chapters. Also, I am not homophobic in real life and I think that homophobes need to show some tolerance. I'm just having Eddy act like a fucktard for the lulz and he's supposed to represent every idiot that I've ever meet (however, Eddy is my third favorite character on the show). Plus I like making the characters act OOC, there I admit it. I should also warn you though that later chapters are going to get far more "wicked" (if that's the right word to describe them).